Not Right Now: When One is Socially Apt Virtually, but not Physically.

In the techno age of the 'noughties' where socializing has become that much easier, it seems it is more common to see the youth of today not only forget the process of social etiquette, but apparently, discard the quality all together. 

I was in a nightclub on the weekend and I must have seen at least 25 people who I would have on my Facebook friends list. The sad thing is, that when eye contact was made with these people, they barely raised an eyebrow, or in some cases pretended they did not even see me and walk away. Ok so this is bad enough, but would you believe it gets worse.

These people proceed to leave a message on my wall in the days following the night out saying something to the effect of "was good to see you out this weekend" or "you're looking well".

I have no words...

The concept of virtual distance has been receiving a lot of academic recognition in recent times, where people have been known to solve grievances by hiding behind emails, despite sitting back to back in a cubical with someone they are talking to. Has society gone mad where we cannot approach someone physically and interact?

The Facebook news feed gives rise to an increase of this in our everyday life. People being social passengers has taken the place of physically standing up and being socially counted, and accountable.

If you know of these hangers on, you should remove them immediately from your 'friends' list, as these illusive creatures clearly enjoy the 'obligation free' pry into my life, with no social strings attached. This is social obsurdity at its finest.

It is hot right now to say hello and not be a filthy stare bear from a shadowy corner. Being a sociopath is not right now because frankly you just look moronic when you make contact online, if you can't front up and back it up in person.

Earn social points not by keystrokes, but by handshakes, and simply asking to someones face: "How are you?"

There's a good start right there.

Hot Right Now: Mob Mentality

We've all had to deal with the shit that is the Sydney Public Transport system (see NRN post here) but today I was a part of an interesting display of human behaviour and phenomena called "Mob Mentality."

No need for witty comment here. Said.

Traditionally mob mentality has come with the negative perception of violence and unruly riots of the great unwashed, acting out to get what they want, leaving behind a path of destruction and debris.

Today I witness and was a part of a different mob mentality.

I catch the bus every morning. The passenger variance of my bus is quite high with some days everyone is seated happily and some days not. People have experience it. Solve their own personal public transport problems by catching an earlier bus or getting on a stop ahead of their usual norm. Nature of the beast.

It is no surprise to anyone (despite how unacceptable it is) when the bus is overloaded (with the maximum amount of passengers 15) it will skip the next stop. It is also no surprise when the bus driver stops any sneaky passenger trying to force their way on once quota is reached. Again, despite how shit this situation is, the bus driver is well in his rights to deny people a ride should he feel the safety of his already existing passengers is in compromise. After all, they can get fined and could lose their job. Fair enough.

So today - an overloaded bus, two skipped bus stops later, we arrive at one particular city stop (to which there are many an alternative means of transport is available should this one fail) two women force themselves onto the bus after being denied by the driver. In a display of ignorance, one of them dips her travel pass despite clearly hearing the driver say "the bus is full, no more passengers."

Bus driver says "You need to get off the bus; I cannot drive the bus with more than 15 people standing. You need to get off."

Woman says "It's just one stop, it’s nothing."

Bus Driver says "No, I cannot drive the bus, I get fined. Please get off the bus."

The argument continues for at least a minutes and builds up with more words exchanged. People are yelling out to the woman to get off the bus. Others yell out you're making us late for work. All of a sudden things go silent as the Mexican standoff between the stubborn woman who refuses to get off the bus and the bus driver and his band of loyal/pissed off passengers comes to head.

*eearry silence*

In a fit of frustration I yell out "CLEARLY the bus isn't going anywhere....so get the fuck off!"

The bus load of people breaks out in laughter.

You would think, that after failing to get approval from the bus driver and the added embarrassment of being shamed by a passenger, you would admit defeat and retreat while you still had some dignity? I thought wrong. This woman keeps on persisting.

Find the witch! Kill the witch! RAR RAR RAR!

In an attempt to solve the bus hostage at the mercy of this middle aged woman in her sports jacket, an angry passenger yells out "OPEN THE BACK DOOR" and gets off in a flamboyant huff martyr like ceremonial sacrifice that could rival the great human sacrifices of the Aztec's. Personally, I thought the guy was a dickdead and didn't accomplish anything in the end in this self-sacrificing act but hey, whatever floats your boat dude.

It now becomes 5 minutes into the halt and more and more passengers become increasingly frustrated. The jeers becoming more frequent as the peanut gallery of passengers throw in their 2 bobs worth of comment. Again I feel the need to publically yell out "Why would you even want an awkward bus ride now?!"

In a bid to get the bus moving, despite being 1 passenger up (now with the martyr off the bus), the bus driver succumbs to allowing her to ride.

I should mention woman two taking a more low key approach, having already paid and not attempting to fight the mob of angry passengers, woman one dips her bus pass only to find her ticket is invalid which the bus driver is so quick to point out. He demands that she pays. Woman starts to scramble in her wallet to find another ticket. She dips. Another invalid ticket! The jeers become louder and more frequent and more intense. The bus driver repeats "INVAID TICKET INVAID TICKET." Woman continues to scramble. The jeers get louder "GET OFF THE BUS. GET OFF THE BUS."

What felt like a hopeless situation suddenly becomes resolved, the woman finally succumbs to the mob mentality and gets of the god damn bus and into the dagger stares of the martyr passenger sitting on the bus seat outside. During this glorious moment, a wave of clapping and cheering sweeps over the bus.

Bus departs stop. Life goes on albeit late for work.

FAIL. Love - it's not in your best interests pissing off the bus driver and the passengers who you are probably going to see every day. Unless you're a glutton for punishment, it will just be awkward every time you get on the bus. I don't foresee this woman showing her face on the bus anytime soon. Dumb bitch.

Hot Right Now: Mob mentality getting things done.

Not Right Now: Idiotic, self righteous people thinking they can beat the mob mentality

Hot Right Now: Cute bus driver with the akubra hat standing his ground

Not Right Now: Sydney Buses. Put some more god damn buses on in peak time

Lesson: Don't mess with the bus driver!

Hot Right Now: Introducing Plant Life to your Home

Spring is in full swing and what better time than now to introduce a some  chlorophyl happiness into your living room.


For under $20.00 you can jazz up your drab apartment with a bunch or two, because lets face it, nothing speaks arrogance like a nice bunch of flowers.


Flowers smell great and make you look like you actually give a damn. Take the pictured Aram Lilles for example. Very perrrty.


It is hot right now to have a dwelling flora injection.  Don't let them rot in dirty water though, throw them out when the time comes. Dirty flowers are a not right now.

Not Right Now: RedRoom DVD

RedRoom DVD? More like Red 'Rort' DVD!


If there is a company which preaches to be self service, but is anything but, it is RedRoom DVD.


For those of you who do not know what RedRoom DVD is, don't bother, because the minute a worthwhile competitor comes into business, they will be out quicker than an infidel when the door bell rings!


Their website describes their services as 'the revolution of the video rental store', we beg to differ.


On 3 separate occasions, I have experienced what I will dub the "unmanned DVD store / customer stalemate". 


Simply, this can be articulated when you have rented a DVD and go to return it, only to realise your account balance is zero. 


As you cannot return the DVD and move into arrears, you have to recharge your account via cash or credit card payment methods. With the credit card facility down you are left to recharge with cash. Hang on... What do you know, the cash machine does not work either!


How is one to get out of this vicious cycle? Well I haven't got that far yet, but I will make sure my opinion of these inadequacies are heard. This is definitely a not right now.


It has been 3 days now and I am still waiting to return my straight to DVD movie, which is probably now at its cost in late fees. I would complain to the franchisee who normally perches himself on a laptop in store, but he's been missing in action for days now also.


Why is it we are living in a society where it is increasingly realised that we are accepting sub par service? Convenience should not be at the expense of quality. It is just a shame that with DVD rental outlets on the fall due to increased eMovie access, this will probably not be dealt with as less competition means more complacency.


It is not right now to provide shonky service, and definitely not right now to not be present for feedback.


What are we to do in this instance... I'm at a loss. This is consumer ease failure at its finest. Time to buy a T-Box or Apple TV so the buck stops with me.


Not. Happy.

Hot Right Now: Spring Break Up's And Summer Hook Up's

Spring has most definitely sprung bringing with it a monsoon of break up's and broken hearts. But we know better.

"Look! I can do the splits!"

It would seem that it's hot right right now to get hot right now in the lead up to a sexy summer of single sluttiness. And don't try and pretend with us. WE KNOW what goes on in the minds of the seasonal birds of prey and WE KNOW that there's no longer a need for that comporting safe monogamous psudo-relationship perfect for those dirty snuggly nights in. Especially now the cold winter evenings have been bid adieu!

Gyms around the country are filling up quick and reaching peak capacity with newly single gals and guys desperately seeking banging bodies and 2.0 versions of themselves for the fast approaching skanky silly season.

Many are left shaking their heads in panic as some wished they'd said no to that extra bottle of red wine or resisted the temptation of that extra slice of cheese cake. That moment on the hips has now cost them at least 1/2hr extra on the treadmill. Time's running out bitches.

Still ain't got em girl!

Beer guts and love handles may have been overlooked by your sympathetic psudo-significant other but on the beach they are as unforgiving as Jessica Mauboy's rainbow vomit leotard in Get Em Girls. Still a Not Right Now.

Don't dispear. All your HARD work POUNDING the pavement will be worth it in the end. As unleashing you inner slut cat will give you a silaciaous summer you won't forget. The kind that leaves you with an accendote you'd tell your kids when it comes to that awkward moment of them asking you "where babies come from?" Or "why they were born, and how come their birthday is October?"

We'll tell you why kiddies! Cause mummy and daddie couldn't help themselves to a Summer/New Years fling of playing hide the sausage.

Fair game on moles.

Not Right Now: The ARIAs

Unless you've been living under a rock, you would know of the epic mess shit bomb that was the 2010 ARIA Awards. I have been thinking of ways in which I can articulate the failure that aired last night, but I'm really not going to know of just how I can say this.

If you could vomit on your plasma television and watch the chunks drip down the screen for 2 and a half hours, this could have been more substantial than what I (and luckily only 600,000 other australians) endured. This ratings nightmare only scraped the 15th most viewed program on Sunday night which in itself is a disaster. The production company behind this rubbish should have their ABN shredded.

A terrible minimalist format left the show looking shabby and unprofessional. Presenters struggled to read the tele prompter and embarrassed themselves and the network with elementary slips which would have left the blind, deaf, dumb and stupid shaking their heads in awkwardness.

You were probably too disgusted to realise that we were looking at a celebration of Australian music industry talent, so for those of you who missed it whilst watching this joke they called a telecast, here are the award winners of both the technical and public voted categories.

Album of the Year
Angus & Julia Stone -- Down The Way

Single of the Year
Angus & Julia Stone -- Big Jet Plane

Best Group
The Temper Trap -- Love Lost

Breakthrough Artist
Washington

Best Independent Release
Sia -- We Are Born

Best Female Artist 
Washington

Most Popular Australian Artist
Powderfinger

Most Popular Australian Album
Powderfinger -- Golden Rule

Most Popular Australian Single
The Temper Trap -- "Sweet Disposition"

Most Popular International Artist
Mumford & Sons

Best Pop Release
Sia -- We Are Born (Monkey Puzzle/Inertia)

Best Rock Album
Birds Of Tokyo -- Birds Of Tokyo (EMI)

Best Adult Alternative Album
Angus & Julia Stone -- Down The Way (Original Matters/EMI)

Best Country Album
The McClymonts -- Wrapped Up Good (UMA)

Best Adult Contemporary Album
Crowded House -- Intriguer (UMA)

Best Comedy Release
Andrew Hansen, Chris Taylor & Craig Schuftan -- The Blow Parade (ABC Music)

Best Classical Album
Paul Dyer and Australian Brandenburg Orchestra -- Tapas -- Tastes Of The Baroque (ABC Classics)

Best Jazz Album
James Morrison & The Idea Of North -- Feels Like Spring (ABC Jazz)

Best Dance Release
Yolanda Be Cool and Dcup -- We No Speak Americano (Sweat it Out/Central Station Records)

Best Urban Album
M-Phazes -- Good Gracious (Obese Records)

Best Blues & Roots Album
Dan Sultan -- Get Out While You Can (MGM)

Best Children's Album
The Wiggles -- Let's Eat! (ABC Music)

Best Original Soundtrack/Cast/Show
Various -- Before Too Long: Triple J's Tribute to Paul Kelly (ABC Music)

Best Hard Rock/ Heavy Metal Album
Parkway Drive -- Deep Blue (Resist Records/Shock)

Best Music DVD
Various -- Sound Relief (Liberation Music)

Best World Music Album
Mamadou Diabate, Bobby Singh & Jeff Lang -- Djan Djan (ABC Music)

Notable mentions to the Hot Right Now goddess Sia. Dripping in gold, this Hot Right Now favourite won 2 awards on the Australian music industries, ahem, night of nights, nabbing best Pop Release and Best Independent Release.

Some advice to Angus & Julia Stone. Your music is top notch, but learn to deal with the public or get your publicist to muzzle you, because we think its not right now to waste our time listening to dribble which is just irrelevant.

Hot Right Now, Australian Music. Not Right Now, how it is butchered on Television for the world to see.

This shit bomb sizzle reel will have you squirming with discomfort like that first time you ever watched the video for Get Em Girls. 

Not Right Now: Talentless Tittybaring Taylor

Oh dear. We have a panda-eyed slapper on our hands.

17yr old Taylor Momsen has allegedly bared her breasts at a concert in New York City recently, much to the shock of concert-goers and, and world media alike.

The chicklet is famous for being 'an oh-so unique rebel'. We feel you are not unique, just a slurry-slut not right now with an inability to apply a socially acceptable amount of eye makeup.

Madonna may offer her endorsement to you but we see a try hard in our midst. Remember, Madonna has been popping her crotch alot longer, and with the goods to back it up!

It is not right now to act beyond your years, and even more so in the above mentioned fashion. It is sad that this girl isn't known for her music, just her skank stank. Not right now.

Hot Right Now: Not having the makeup shotgun setting on whore. Hell, better yet, not shooting yourself in the face with it.

Go and eat a stick of bamboo and put some trousers on, you silly panda. Not right now. 

"Hi. I'm really happy to be here. So is my vagina."

Hot Right Now: Movember

Movember has begun and it is a great opportunity to 'fuzz up' that upper lip for a great cause this November.

Each year Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in Australia and around the world, with the sole aim of raising vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and depression in men.

Grow a Mo this November and get involved, or support someone who has already begun to sprout. For more information, please visit http://au.movember.com/about/ to learn more about this great cause.

Charity is definitely hot right now, and even more so when you think locally. This charity resonates at the heart of local issues affecting people you see everyday, so what a great thing to be involved with.

Not Right Now: The 3am 'Fuck Rush'

The decay of social decorum at its finest.


We have all been there. 


You're on the town and things are slowly winding down. 


3am. Flashing lights. 


This is the time where all bets are off and standards are flailed out of the club door as you go in for the kill.


The club witching hour we at HRN / NRN refer to as the 'Fuck Rush' is surprisingly common. It doesn't matter what state / country your from, or what club gets your patronage, next time it hits 3am, you'll see it happen before your very eyes.


Standards hit the sticky dance floor you scan on as trashed and toey men and women alike scour the dwindling crowd for that "you'll do" moment, as they lucked out with a "you're amazing" one. Blinded by hormones, the 'Fuck Rush' can produce catastrophic results, if the hell bent infectee of this perception skewing mind space finds someone equally judgement-hindered.


The 'Fuck Rush' is lucrative. You are a high risk mover and shaker in this mind space, but as they say in the finance world, high risk = high return. However, your hip twisting and booty popping may lead to an awkward arm chew moment in the morning.

Equally awkward is the Failed 'Fuck Rush', where you luck out even during this act of character suicide. This can be awful for the self esteem and produce some damaging results, taking weeks of "am I ugly?" combing of hair and weeping in the mirror to bring you out.


Usually alcohol induced, it is not right now to succumb to the 'Fuck Rush', but definitely hot right now to laugh at someone who has succumbed to its disastrous effects. 


If it hits you, we pity the results, but we advise this with the hope you'll be vigilant and duck when it flies head on at you.


Not right now: Settling. Even Not-er: Explaining a failed attempt to do this to your mates the next day.

Not Right Now: Guzman Y Gomez

WARNING: RANT ALERT

WOW. The idiocy of this establishment is truly incredible.

They really have proven my theory that they are:

cheap, cheap, cheap!

Australian eateries are usually quite on the money with service but somehow Guzman Y Gomez is an exception to the rule as my following anecdote will reveal.

First of all I need to set the context of my situation.

I love a good burrito! And so should I. They are tasty and delectable and I could eat them every day if my hips allowed me too. Alas my hips don't lie and I restrict my treat to one per week for fear of uncontrollable ballooning weight. 

I digress - Back to my order.
I'm consistent, and loyal, and order the same thing every time.

"One Chicken Gurrero Burrito on a whole wheat tortilla. No rice. Extra chicken. And a side of sour cream please."


They don't put the sour cream inside as it makes the burrito soggy. Their rule, not mine and not matter how hard I try, they refuse.  Alas I'm happy if I get it in any way shape of form.

I make this order, as I believe the rice to be too much. In fact at least 70% the contents of the standard burrito. As expressed before, weight management is a contentious issue with me and that overwhelming unnecessary simple carb on carb - I can go without. So I choose to order the burrito, whole wheat, extra chicken (for more of a protein hit), sans rice, side of sour cream.

Artist's Impression - If only this were true

CHEAP FACTOR ONE. Filling the burrito with an unnecessary and overwhelming volume of low costing jasmine rice (which is Asian - Not Mexican might I add) is not what traditionally goes in a burrito, but also a cost cutting means for not using too much meat. Pet peeve one! Why more people don't see the unbalanced nature of this meal, I will never know. Every time I go in...I correct the dietary mess that is this burrito like an obsessive compulsive 75 year old man flicking a light switch on and off at least 5 times just to make sure.....the light is indeed off.  

In the past I made the rookie mistake of ordering without rice only to find my burrito was 1/3 of the standard size. Hardly a substantial meal, hence I will happily pay the extra $2 for that slice of protein heaven. 

Every week, I get my loyalty card stamped. With every burrito I consume to get closer to that 11th free burrito holy grail.

Fast forward to the highly anticipated day I would receive my free burrito. I did speculate if they would give me the extra chicken worth a whole $2 with my free burrito as that had been the status quo of my order over for the last 10 burritos. Given my first cheap factor preconceived notion, I was actually quite skeptical on whether they would honour this.

“One Chicken Gurrero Burrito on a whole wheat tortilla. No rice. Extra Chicken. And a side of sour cream please.”

Hands my loyalty card over for redemption.  

“Ummm....ummmm....” (counter man makes confused look, freaks out and calls manager over)....

I wait with baited breath.

Manager comes out and says “That will be $2 for the extra chicken.”

BOOM! Extra Chicken conspiracy theory proven valid!

This got my back up something alarming and I started to state my case of my previous 10 visits to the establishment the status quo of my order. A spades a spade right? Wouldn't that be the same for a burrito? Wouldn't the value of each burrito stamp equate to the value of my bespoke burrito? In turn the free burrito making that value? You would think so.....but.
 

The response - "Nah bro I don't make the rules." This pissed me off even more.


Furthermore, where on that damn loyalty card does it have a disclaimer saying "Free Burrito - However, if you want guacamole or extra meat or extra cheese, or special spice imported from Mexico carried on the back of a donkey lead by a poor senorita, that will cost you extra"? It doesn't! Douche-bag!  

Maybe you don't make the rules and clearly you don't have a brain, but it doesn't take a genius to work out it would be good customer service to offer that $2's worth of chicken for free. I thought good customer service was keeping the customer happy? Seems logical right? Apparently not Mr Manager seems to only focus on dollars rather then using his cents. FAIL NUMBER 1 GUZMAN Y GOMEZ.

Again, X-Factor Girl asks "Why?"

Why would I go back there again now? If my loyalty wasn't $2 for the extra chicken, "why bother?" I ask myself. 

Word of mouth is the most strongest means of promotion. That $2 now is now going to cost them my repeat business, but also incite the bad PR and word of mouth that I'm going to perpetuate. FAIL NUMBER 2 GUZMAN Y GOMEZ.

So me being me, self righteous and assertive, I express said points above verbally to Mr "Bro I don't make the rules" - telling him I think it’s bad business and this is crap.

They then force me to use my EFTPOS card to cover the $2. $2 you may think is a petty amount to write this post over, but I stress, that it's the principal of the matter.  

My eyes dart like daggers straight to the customer satisfaction card, which I deem useless if they can't one, pacify an angry customer, and two, realise that precious extra chicken worth $2 they just couldn't bring themselves to part with, might actually be worth overlooking in the bigger picture. You piss one customer off, you never know who they’ll tell. Heck! They may even right a blog post on it that hundreds of people actually read. Dumb fucks.

Customer feedback card reads:

- No. I'm not satisfied

- No. your staff were not helpful or friendly

- No. I will not be coming back to your establishment

- No. I will not be recommending you to anyone

- Yes. I will be discouraging people not to come to your establishment

- No. You cannot contact me you cheap fucks

CHEAP. CHAT. $2. FAIL. FUCK YOU.

Not Right Now: Guzman Y Gomez. Getting a fucking clue. 

Here's a nice map of where NOT to go!